હાઉડી ખેલૈયાઓ!

    By
    antah
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    સૌપ્રથમ તો જે લોકોને ખરેખર રમતા આવડે અને એ લોકોને  પણ જેને સ્ટેટસમાં મૂકવા પૂરતું રમતા આવડે છે!(30 સેકંડ પૂરતું ) એ તમામ ગરબા પ્રેમીને ખાલી પ્રેમી(સિંગલ લોકોની માફી સાથે) ગુજરાતીઓને નવરાત્રીની શુભકામના!

    દર વર્ષની જેમ આ વર્ષે પણ માં દુર્ગાની ઉપાસનાનું પર્વને શક્તિની ઉપાસનાનું પર્વ એટલે નવરાત્રી આવી ગઈ છે! આમ તો ઘરમાં પતિદેવોને 365 દિવસ શક્તિના પરચા હાજરા હજુર  મળતા જ હશે ને તમે એ દેવીની પૂજા પણ કરતા જ હશો! હું તમારી દેવી પ્રત્યેની શ્ર્ધાને સારી રીતે સમજી શકું છું પણ ભાઈ કોને કેવા જાવું હે? માં દુર્ગા તમને હજી વધુ સહનશક્તિ આપે એવી પ્રાર્થના!

    નવરાત્રી પહેલા અને નવરાત્રી પછી જે તકલીફોનો સામનો કરવો પડે છે એની ચર્ચા કરવામાં  મીડિયા ચૅનલો મોળી પડે છે એટલે મને લાગ્યું કે એક ઊગતા પત્રકાર તરીકે મારે આ મુદાઓની ચર્ચા છેડવી  જોઈએ!

    મુદો નં-૧

    દોસ્તો! નવરાત્રીને માત્ર થોડા દિવસોની વાર હોય ને તમારા WhatsApp માં એવા લોકો ના ગૂડ મોર્નિંગ ને ગૂડ નાઇટ ના મેસેજ આવવા લાગે કે જે ભડનો દીકરો સામે મળે તોય વાત ના કરતો હોય અને બરાબર નોરતાના એક દિવસ પેલા ફોન કરે તો ચેતજો! સાવધાન! કેમ કે એ નંગ પાસનું સેટ્ટિંગ કરવા આટલો ડાહ્યો બન્યો છે! આ વર્ષે તો માર્કેટમાં મંદી ચાલે છે એટલે આવા લોકોનો ભારે ધરખમ વધારો બજાર માં  જોવા મળ્યો છે આવું RBIને  કેવાનું રહી ગયું એટલે હું કહી દઉં છુ. માટે આ વર્ષે પાસ ખરીદવાવાળા ઓછા ને સેટ્ટિંગ કરવાવાળા વધારે છે.(તમારે પાસ નું સેટ્ટિંગ થાય તો હારે હાર મારુ પણ ગોઠવી દેજો ભયલા! માતાજી તમને સારા નવરા સોરી નરવા રાખે.)

    મુદો નં-૨

    સોસાયટી માં નવરાત્રી આવ્યા પહેલા નવરાત્રીનો દેકારો ચાલુ કરી દ્યે છે એવા સોસાયટી ગરબા મેનેજમેંટ વાળા ને ગરબા ક્લાસીસ વાળા આન્ટીઓ કે જેમની આકૃતિ ચોટીલાના ડુંગરથી જરાય ઊતરતી નથી હોતી તેનાથી ચેતજો! આ લોકો તમારી પાસેથી થાળી ને વાટકે તો લઈ જશે પ્રેક્ટિસ માટે પણ નોરતા પૂરા થયા પછી ઘોબા પાડીને પાછા આપશે.(થાળી રાસ, વાટકા રાસ you know!) આ આંટીયો જ્યારે ફાળો ભેગો કરવા નીકળે છે  ત્યારે ખરેખર ઊંઘ હરામ કરી દ્યે છે અને માતાજીનાં સમ દઈને સારું એવું કઢવી લ્યે છે કેમ એ લોકો માં પણ એ સમયે નાણાંમંત્રી જેવો એટ્ટીટ્યૂડ આવી ગ્યો હોય છે જાણે નોરતાનું બજેટ નો બહાર પાડવાનું હોય.(એમાથી એ પોતાની ફી નો ખર્ચો અલગ કાઢી લ્યે છે એ જાણ માતાજી ને પણ નહીં હોય)

    મુદો નં-૩

    નવરાત્રી એટલે કલાકારોની મૌસમ કહેવાય! જેમ ચોમાસામાં ગારો થાય ને નાના નાના દેડકા ઉભરાય આવે એમ  નોરતામાં પણ કેટલાય કર્કશ કંઠી સોરી કોકિલ કંઠી ગરબાના ગાયક કલાકારો ફાટી નીકળે એટલે રમવા જાવ ત્યારે કલાકાર કેવું ગાય છે એ પણ સાંભળજો ખાલી ઢોલ સાંભળીને ઠેકડા ના મારવા લાગતાં. આ વાત મારે એટલા માટે કહેવી પડે છે કેમ કે તમારું ધ્યાન આજે પેલી એ કેવા કપડાં પહેર્યા છે ને એ ક્યાં રમે છે એમાં હોય ને બકા! બાકી આ તો ભક્તિનો તહેવાર છે એટલે કલાકારની ભક્તિ જોવી કેમ કે ભક્તિ સારી હોય તો સૂર સંગમ બધુ મિથ્યા છે.( આમ મે કલાકારોને ખોટું ના લાગે માટે વાળી લીધું)

    મુદો નં-૪

    આ વર્ષે નોરતામાં યુવાનો સોરી, માય મિસ્ટેક, સિંગલિયાવ(વાંઢા- કુંવારા સહિત) નો ધરખમ વધારો થશે કેમ ગયા વર્ષે આવેલી સલમાન ખાનની ફિલ્મ લવયાત્રી એ આ લોકોની છૂપી આશાઓ જગાવી છે. હા એ બધુ ઠીક તોય હું તમને કહી દઉં કે માતાજીની કૃપા વિના તમારું કાઈ નથી થવાનું કેમ કે વિધિના લેખ લલાટે લખ્યા હોય છે અને એ સાચા થાય થાય થાય………… પણ તોય તમારે પૂરે પૂરી મહેનત કરી લેવી. ખર્ચો કરવામાં પાછું વળી ને જોવું નહીં કોણ જાણે ક્યારે તમારા ભાગ્ય ખૂલી જાય ને તમારા દાંડિયા કોઈના દાંડિયા સાથે અથડાય જાય! પણ ઇન કેસ જો મેળ ના જ પડે તો બિલકુલ નિરાશ કે હતાશ થવાની જરૂર નથી કેમ કે નવરાત્રી દર વર્ષે આવે છે!(આમ મેં યુવાનોને ડિપ્રેશનમાં જતાં બચાવી લીધા)

    મુદો નં-૫

    હવે જે વાત કરવા જઈ રહ્યો છું એ વાત છે આતંકીઓની! ગરબા આતંકીઓ(એની તો હમણાં કવ એ…….) આપણે શાંતિથી આપણા ગ્રુપમાં મસ્ત સર્કલ કરીને ગરબા લેતા હોય ને એમાં કોણ જાણે ક્યાથી આ ગાંડો ખૂંટિયો ઘૂસી જાય ને આપણા સર્કલની ક્ષણભરમાં પથારી ફેરવી નાખે. આ આંતક નથી તો શું છે? આ ત્રાસવાદીયોને એકાદા સારા ગરબા ક્લાસીસમાં  વહેલી તકે ભરતી કરવા જોઈએ. (ફી હું આપીશ! ગુસ્સો જુઓ છો ને મારો) એમાય જો એકાદા રોડરોલર આન્ટી તમારી બાજુમાં ગરબા કરવા આવી  ગયા તો સમજો તમારા પગનું ફ્રેક્ચર પાકું એટલે વીમો ના કઢાવ્યો હોય તો રોડરોલર આન્ટીઓથી આઘા રેજો રાજ! આપણે આવતા વર્ષે પણ રમવાનું છે!

    મુદો નં-૬

    તમે જોયું હશે કે રાત્રે બાર વાગ્યે આરતી પછી ભક્તોનો ધરખમ વધારો થાય! તો તમને કહી દવ કે એ ભક્તો નથી પણ ભૂખડી બારસ છે જે સારો નાસ્તો જોઈને નીંદર પૂરી કરીને મોઢું ધોયને સ્પેશિયલ પ્રસાદ લેવા સોરી નાસ્તો કરવા આવ્યા છે. માતાજી આવા લોકો ને જલ્દી ડાયાબિટીસ આપે એવી પ્રાથર્ના. ખેલ ખેલ રે ભવાની માં જેવા ગરબા પૂરા થયા પછી જ સાચા ખેલ શરૂ થતાં હોય છે!(હા ભાઈ મને પણ ખબર છે, દારૂબંધી છે) માટે મારા ભાઈ બવ વધારે ખેલ કરવા નહીં નહિતર આકાશમાંથી ભોળા પોલિસવાળા ઉતરશે.

    એક ગુજરાતી નાતભાઈ તરીકે મને લાગે છે કે આ મુદાઓ ક્યાંક ને ક્યાંક તમારી જિંદગીમાં પણ નડતરરૂપ થતાં હશે અને એવું હશે તો આ મુદાઑને લઈ ને આપણે ગુજરાત સરકાર ને પણ વાત કરશું(સપનામાં).

    હવે સાંભળો થોડાક મંદી ના ગરબા.

    ઢાળ– તમે કિયા તે ગામના ગોરી રાજ?

    તમે કિયા તે ગામના ધંધાર્થી રાજ!

    માર્કેટમાં કેવી મંદી છે

    તમે કેટલો ટેક્ષ કપાવ્યો રાજ?

    માર્કેટમાં કેવી મંદી છે

    લોન ભરીને થય ગ્યાં લાંબા રાજ!

    અચકો મચકો મંદી છે

    માંડ પાસનું સેટ્ટિંગ કર્યું રાજ!

    નોરતામાં પણ મંદી છે

     

    ઢાળ– ઢોલીડા ઢોલ રે વાગડ

    ઢોલીડા ઢોલ રે વાગડ

    કોર્પોરેટ ટેક્ષ ઘટ્યો છે

    હે! ટેક્ષ ઘટ્યો છે ને થોડીક તેજી આવી રે!

    ઢોલીડા ઢોલ રે વાગડ…… 

     

    ઢાળ– સોનલ ગરબો શિરે અંબેમાં

    સરકાર ટેક્ષ ઘટાડે! અંબેમાં

    તેજી આવે ધીરે!

    તેજી આવે ધીરે! તેજી આવે ધીરે!

    સેન્સેક્સ દોડ લગાવે!

    સરકાર ટેક્ષ ઘટાડે…….

    ઢાળ– મહોબત બરસા દેના તું.. સાવન આયા આયા હૈ

    (અરિજિત સિંહના અવાજમાં ગાવું)

    નોરતા આવ્યા આવ્યા છે!

    દાંડિયા કાઢી રાખજે તું. નોરતા આવ્યા આવ્યા છે!

    રાસડા શીખી લેજે તું. નોરતા આવ્યા આવ્યા છે!

    દિલથી આજે મારે ગરબે રમવું છે

    તાળીઓના તાલે મારે ધરતી ધ્રુજાવવી છે

    આ નોરતામાં પ્રિન્સ બની ચમકવું છે….

    ચણિયાચોળી પેરીને આવજે તું.. રંગીલા નોરતા આવ્યા છે.

    ! TAUNT !

    નોરતામાં બાર વાગ્યા પછી આઇટમ સોંગ્સ વાગે છે કેમ સરકારની સાથે આયોજકો પણ માને છે કે બાર વાગ્યાની આરતી પછી માતાજી સૂઈ જ જાય છે!

    –યોગીત બાબરીયા ’કલાકાર’

     

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    6755 COMMENTS

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